I don't care if Monday's blue
by SugarPopsAndLemonDrops
Summary: FTM!Niou AU. He'd sat outside the office for just over half an hour, texted Yagyuu in a fit of panic and then immediately regretted it


The therapist's office is quiet and unassuming; just a small, neat building tucked away behind the general hospital, but it does nothing to calm Niou's sick feeling. Today is his first appointment with a gender therapist and while Niou's eager to start the transition, he can't help but worry that the therapist will take one look at him and deem him 'unsuitable' for hormone treatment. As a result, he's been pacing up and down in front of the glass doors for about five minutes before a hand on his shoulder startles him.

It's a nurse; small, black hair pulled into a high ponytail and a considerate, if amused expression on her face.

"I've been watching you go past these doors for the past five minutes now, are you alright?"

Niou nods, swallowing, trying to find his voice. "Yes, I-I have an appointment but-" He cuts himself off, panic rising in his throat.

"But you're nervous, of course you are." She says reassuringly, steering him towards the doors. "I'm not going to lie to you that it's going to be easy, but the first step is always the hardest. Now come in and sit down and I'll get you booked in." The doors swish open and she walks him firmly to a row of chairs facing a small desk. It's all very clean and somewhat medical, and it calms Niou's nerves a little. He sinks down onto a chair, glancing at the brightly coloured posters around the room announcing the steps of reassignment surgery, hormone treatments and helplines. The nurse types something into her computer, and then rings through to someone. Niou's phone vibrates suddenly and he clumsily fishes it out of his pocket, lips twitching into a smile as Yagyuu's name flashes across the screen.

_Hope everything is going well, I'll come over to yours after cram school today if that's alright?_

_Hiroshi._

_By the way, Marui says hi and has given me some cake to give to you._

Niou grins and quickly types out a response, replete with smilies and ridiculous numbers of 'x's because he knows Yagyuu secretly loves it, even if he doesn't show. He looks up to find the nurse smiling at him.

"Someone special?" Niou blushes and she laughs. "I'll take that as a 'yes'?"

"My boyfriend," Niou replies, tucking the phone back into his pocket. The nurse coos, then looks back down at her monitor and taps something in.

"Oh," she said. "The therapist is ready to see you now." Niou's stomach lurched. "Third door on the left, just down that corridor." Niou sat there for a moment, then got unsteadily to his feet, mouth dry. Praying his knees wouldn't give out from under him, he walked shakily past the desk.

The nurse stopped him with a hand on his arm. "It'll be fine; I can see how unhappy you are and how much you want this." She patted his hand. "The doctor'll see it too, you'll see." Niou nodded, swallowed the lump in his throat and knocked on the plain, wooden door with his head held high.

Just over an hour later Niou was sitting on the pavement outside, hands clenched between his knees and breathing still shaky. The doctor had been hard; she pushed and pushed, reducing him to tears more than once, but at the end of the appointment had smiled at him and said he'd done well, that he'd need one more appointment and then she'd make the decision whether or not he was applicable to start the transition.

He'd come out of her office white as a sheet and shell-shocked; the nurse had made him sit down and plied him with sweet tea. He'd mechanically sipped a cup, then forced a ragged smile on his face and told her he needed to book another appointment a week from now. Then he'd managed not to fall over as he left, the doors closing with a whoosh behind him.

And then he'd sat outside the office for just over half an hour, texted Yagyuu in a fit of panic and then immediately regretted it. He'd announced he was coming straight there; Niou had tried to convince him that he didn't need to, but Yagyuu had had none of it and left straight away. In the middle of tennis practice. Yukimura was going to kill him. _Both_ of them, actually.

"Masaharu!" Niou's head shot up. Oh god he actually had come.

"What are you _doing_ here?" He cried, standing up and shoving his phone in his back pocket.

Yagyuu rolled his eyes. "Please don't be stupid; you might not want me to be here, but I will be regardless. You don't _have_to go through this alone." He took Niou's hand, Niou tried to pull it back but Yagyuu was having none of it. "Stop pushing me away. I know you don't think I understand but I am _trying_ to; I want to be here for you. I couldn't forgive myself if you had to do this by yourself."

Niou sighed heavily, leaning into Yagyuu's shoulder and scrubbing a hand across his eyes. "It was just…" His voice broke and he sniffed. "Really _hard_. She asked me so many _questions_ and I don't know if I _answered_ them right, god…" Yagyuu's hand came up to rest at the back of his head, pressing Niou's face into the crook of his shoulder.

"It'll be alright; you'll—we'll make it through this. Now come on, I have that cake for you and I have some explaining to do to our captain later." Niou nodded miserably, allowing Yagyuu to lead him out of the carpark to the bustop.

Later, when he'd eaten the entire cake Marui had provided and was curled up comfortably next to Yagyuu on the sofa at his house, Niou finally found it in him to speak.

"I need to tell everyone." His voice was quiet, but it didn't waver. Yagyuu looked down at him.

"If you want to. And when you're ready." He replied simply, tightening the arm around Niou's waist.

Niou snorted. Of course he'd say something like that. His phone flashed again on the table, but he ignored it. No doubt he'd have hundreds of messages to reply to, but later. He was too full, too content to move. They could all stuff it.


End file.
